A little piece of me

Gruezi! Ich liebe meine leben hier

2009-03-17T05:55:00.004+08:00

Hallo! I love my life here.

How time flies. It's been more than a month since I last had Killiney teh-si and kaya toast at the airport with my mum, kenny and sharon before heading off to Switzerland with timmy to start our new life here.

Told myself that I can choose to be miserable and just feel homesick all the time, or try to adjust to the erratic weather, learn to look right then left before crossing the roads and accepted the limited fashion options here quickly. I choose to embrace life here. After timmy came along, I've never gone to the movies anymore but there are still alot more stuff to do here on weekends. We have been exploring different parts of switzerland every weekend - luzern, bern and schaffhaussen. It's great having timmy to keep me company and I've made a couple of friends and found a sg moms' group here already.

Timmy's growing so quickly, he looks more and more like a little boy, no longer my tiny baby anymore. He has always been such a chilled out baby (altho he's been spoilt silly by his grandparents the last few days) and still sleeps an awful lot when I go out with him or when we take long drives. He's started on solids now and is lapping every thing up so quickly.

Interesting things about being mommy in Switzerland:
1) Not all trains, trams and buses have wheelchair/pram friendly entrances so I have to go to the correct section to get up and down easily. Sometimes there aren’t any proper ramps, thankfully the Swiss are always very proactive in helping me with the pram even before i shout for help.
2) There are only 3 big brands of milk powder compared to the gazillion brands and sub-brands in Singapore. There is absolutely no English translation of ingredients on food boxes.
3) Apparently you have to go to the outskirts of the cities to get big baby items like prams and cot.
4) Our Quinny pram looks like a Toyota corolla next to all the Mercedes-like prams here with big wheels.
5) There are very few public toilets, and even fewer with baby changing facilities. Thankfully public toilets are all squeaky clean.
6) I’ve once breastfed timmy sitting on a fold-up chair in snow.
7) I realize I’ve become more and more like my mother – like folding plastic bags and tying them into knots so that they will not take up too much space in the cupboard, especially since we don’t have as much space here compared to Singapore (very aunty-ish I know)
8) I no longer spend so much money on myself (‘cept when it comes to food)
9) I am more fluent in baby talk than in my Chinese or German
10) I’ve learnt to multi-task
11) I enjoy breastfeeding timmy, especially when he looks up and peeps at me to see if I’m looking at him instead of the T.V
12) Poo no longer surprises me
13) My luggage is usually filled with more of timmy’s clothes than mine
14) It feels great that Timmy thinks I’m the funniest and loveliest person in the world.
15) I love how he can now wrap his short arms around my neck. I feel like a mother koala bear.

niu year, new life

2009-02-02T13:20:00.007+08:00

The last few weeks have been filled with catch up coffee sessions, farewell dinners and visiting relatives over the Chinese new year. I can't believe that in a blink of an eye, I'm now on the opposite side of the world, where it is -5 degrees outside, shops are closed on weekends and I have yet to figure out how to change timmy's nappies in the cold as there are hardly any public toilets. Thankfully he has only done his massive poos at home the last 2 days, and oh yes, one really gross one on the plane that spread up his back just before they served breakfast.

Our temporary apartment in St Gallen is nice and big. Timmy seems to take well to his new surroundings and climate too, altho' its' such a hassle having to put him in and out of his winter clothes whenever we get into the car or restaurants. Alan drove us to our new apt in Zurich on Sunday and I'm really looking forward to setting up our new home there. There is a really nice bakery/cafe, an italian and a thai restaurant nearby which I suspect will be our regular hang-out joints in the future.

Got a little homesick and the cold weather didn't really help lift my spirits much because it made everything look so bare, grey and dull.

Well, at least I had with me a lovely scrapebook made by my former SIA teammate with pictures of us during training, and a wonderful sony digital picture frame with 10 years worth of memories shared with my Comm. studies uni friends and lovely messages from them. Called my mum straightaway to hear her familiar, encouraging words that she'll be praying for us and everything will be okay.

I realised I was depress because I was afraid of having to be more independent here. I hate driving and could get away with not having to drive in Singapore as it is so convenient to take public transport. Guess I've got to learn to build my confidence in driving again. Doesn't help that Alan got a car that's really long and seems too smart for me with all its gadgets. Did I mention that I've never parallel parked before? I also need to learn how to read maps, road signs, operate the satellite navigation system and drive on the left side.

There are only 2 TV channels I watch so far - MTV and CNN because those are the only 2 english programs. I'm going to start timmy on the german version of Spongebob Squarepants soon.

Since there is no central rubbish chute and they only clear the trash once a week, we've came up with the 'ingenious' plan of accumulating timmy's soiled nappies and having alan throw them in a public bin every morning when he leaves for work.

I found comfort in the fact that Chinese cooking ingredients are readily available here, and Switzerland has the best chocolates - with more cocoa and less milk (i think it's the milk that makes it fattening). I love hearing the church bells ring every hour and the fresh, crisp air outside. Surprisingly, my body seems to handle the cold really well, 'cept my skin's gone all crinkly.

I love seeing snow fall and melt on timmy's cheeks. He stuck out his tongue a few times to taste the white flakes that landed on his lips.

I'll take a while before I can truly embrace my new life here, but at least our family is finally together.

Over-loved

2008-11-30T11:10:00.004+08:00

I thanked my mum yesterday for loving me despite my character flaws, especially my lack of patience, bad temper ( i attribute it to the excess heat in my system) and for always screaming at her.

She said it is natural for a mum to love her children no matter what. Even though many of her fellow colleagues felt sorry that she has to come and take care of me after work when Alan is not around, she told them she did it without any complaints because I'm her daughter.

Now that I've become a mum, I am beginning to understand what she meant by having a mother's heart. Another important nugget of life she shared with me - that a child can and will never love his/her mother as much as a mother loves him; and that I have to teach timmy throughout the course of his life, how to love me and others around him.

Sometimes I feel really bad for being so impatient with my mum when she does things a little too slow for my liking, and for misinterpreting what i say because she is a little hard of hearing. I wonder when I'm old and a little senile, whether timmy will scream at me the same way.

I went to visit my friend Jingwern who's daughter is 2 weeks older than timmy. She told me she realised that when kayla was born, she will forever be worried about her little girl - when she gets a toothache, when she starts school, when she can't do her homework, when she starts dating etc...

I observe that in Singapore, parents really do pamper and over protect their kids, even when they are 30 or 40 years old. Traditionally, parents expect their kids to take care of them in their old age so they can enjoy their golden years. I know of alot of my peers whose flat or condo downpayment is covered by their parents. And when they have kids, they automatically 'throw' their kids to their parents or in-laws to take care. A friend shared with me about a documentary about a single mum who couldn't handle her 3 young kids so one day, she left them at her aged parents' place, and disappeared. The old parents had to find work to have money to raise their grandkids.

I still remember the first time I invited my mum to spend a few days at my matrimonial home when alan was away. She came with 'housework' clothes, thinking I was expecting her to help me clean my house. I couldn't believe it when she started asking me for a pail and mop. I told her I want her to come and relax, and just enjoy some mother-daughter time together.

Is this the kind of daughter image I've projected all these years? I wondered. That she'll think that i need to be served and be waited upon?

Sigh... most probably.

not ready to let go, yet

2008-11-19T15:31:00.003+08:00

Timmy and I have been hanging out together so much - just the 2 of us. Just when I think I can't ever love him more than what i do now, I find new depths of love in my heart gushing out for him every new day. He really is my pride and joy, and i know he loves me very much too because he has given me so many moments to smile and be happy about.

Timmy is growing stronger and bigger everyday, he can barely fit into many of his 0-3 mths clothes. There are now permanent folds on his chin (there is hardly a neck to speak of), on his arms and on his dimpled thighs.

I bring him along with me when I do my post-natal massages at rustic nirvana and the aunties there adore him. They call him 'the man' because he is so 'manly' in stature. He always poos at home and not when we are outside, preferring to sleep quietly in his quinny pram with luxurious purple velvet seat. When he does his explosive poos, he never fails to give me his guilty look, as if he feels sorry that I have to clean him up.

Just got him a playmat with many colorful toys hanging above for him to play, but he still loves to turn his head to look at me and smile. He's more and more interactive and expressive now, whenever he wakes up and sees my face, he gives me the most radiant toothless smile and his eyes light up whenever he's excited. I played Diana Kralls' christmas CD yesterday and he danced on my lap from beginning to the end of the cd.

Today, he tried to put his whole fist into his mouth.

Alan once asked me why God made Man, what was the reason for our existence. I couldn't really give him a good answer. A few nights ago I woke up with an epiphany. I think we are here because God wants to enjoy us and have the opportunity to love us, the same reason why parents would want to have children.

Mum-in-law in perth was emotionally down the last few weeks because she missed timmy very much. Dad-in-law told us she has been crying alot and looking at timmy's videos and photos on the computer all the time. At first I was quite upset that she is making us feel bad for making her feel this way, and for not having timmy close to her. When i put myself in her shoes, I slowly understood that it is really because timmy is so lovable and is changing so fast, it would also be heartbreaking for me if I'm not able to cuddle him and be involved in all his milestones.

Strangely, my mum is the direct opposite. She understood a long time back that we can't stay by her side forever. She's taught me that the only way you truly love someone is to let the person be free to be him/herself. I've learnt the different spectrums of love from both mums.

I know there will come a time when I have to let timmy be himself and learn to let go. He is already showing his personality and character bit by bit now. There will come a time when he won't want to wear the clothes I pick out for him, a time when he will stomp his feet when he can't get his way, or want to let go of my hand and run around the supermarket and make a fool of himself. Til then, he is mine to keep and hold.

Timmy turns 2 months

2008-11-06T07:59:00.004+08:00

I love timmy

2008-10-27T20:18:00.003+08:00

My mum-in-law told me when she came to visit a month ago that I will soon learn that my own child will have control over my emotions and the power to make me happy, sad, angry, anxious, smile, laugh and tear.

Timmy has already made 3 grown women cry - the confinement nanny when she went back to Malaysia, mum-in-law when she went back to perth, and of course, me when i felt really fatigued coping with his bouts of colic. I suspect when he grows up he's going to be one charming heartbreaker.

Since Alan was away, I was thrust with the challenge of figuring out the whole concept of motherhood quickly - from nappy change and bath time, to deciphering timmy's different cries and studying his poo and pee color etc. In retrospect, I was glad that I had this chance to learn on my own, since I'll probably have to cope with baby and household chores without help from family and friends when we move to switzerland in January next year.

God has been really gracious and I knew He was by my side guiding me and giving me deep sleep, even if it was for a mere 15 mins or 2 hours. He will never test us beyond what we can take, and I am thankful because through timmy, I discovered that i am stronger that what i think i am.

Timmy seems to be getting over his colic and his tummy is not so bloated anymore. He is a lot more interactive now and i am loving every moment cuddling him and holding his head close to my chest as he falls asleep during a burp.

Timmy loves bath time and I am thankful (cross my fingers) that he hasn't pooed in the bath tub yet.

I love how his face would turn all serious when he's about to let out an explosive poo that looks like fish curry. I don't think I'll be having roti prata anytime soon now.

I love how he would always do his big poos (well, most of the time) before we head out so I don't have to fret over changing him outside.

I love how he would lift up his head to look curiously at my face with his big bright eyes.

I love how he pouts and grunts ever so loudly in his sleep.

I love how he gets all frenzied gobbling mouthful of milk from me and then looking absolutely drunk after a good feed.

I love changing his nappies and making whistling sounds to get him to pee more into the soiled nappy instead of sprouting all over my hand.

I heart timmy.

The crying game

2008-10-23T15:56:00.007+08:00

Timmy was such an angel when we first brought him home. He slept so soundly and looked at us with such an innocent, beautiful gaze when he first opened his eyes.

No one prepared me for what was to come the last few days though.

Where has my little angel gone?

Little timmy's been colicky the past few nights and was absolutely inconsolable.

I could only watch helplessly as he writhe and wiggle in pain and discomfort through the night. I've followed every textbook advice - feed him upright, burp him longer, massage his tummy in clockwise manner but still there is no respite. His little tummy is still bloated and he spits out most of the milk i feed him. I brought him to the osteopath yesterday and waited 1.5hrs at the paediatrician's today for help. Last night was particularly bad. He will suddenly wail and struggle no matter how i try to cuddle or lull him. In the end, I had to let him latch onto my breast every 1 hour or less to soothe him. That resulted in more spewing.

I kept telling myself i must never get angry or frustrated with timmy. No matter how tired I am, i must talk to him in gentle tones and make him feel safe and secure. I held up pretty well the last few days, but i think i've channeled all my distress to people around me, especially to Alan whenever he calls. I was really upset he is away and i have to go through this alone.

I finally broke down this afternoon after coming home from the paediatrician's.

Timmy just kept wailing and wailing 'til his lips quivered and his voice almost hoarse. I was absolutely heartbroken. Doc told me not to feed him so often to soothe him coz in the long run, I'll suffer. The only way is to figure out a way to hold him til he's calmed down. Easy for him to say!

Timmy cried and cried for 45 mins, I felt so helpless and was at my wits' end. I put him in the cot whilst he was still crying, turned my back to him and started wailing loudly myself. I couldn't bear seeing him in pain.

I finally picked him up again, put him close to my heart... and we both cried together.

i don't want to grow up, i'm a toys'r us kid...

2008-10-07T11:21:00.004+08:00

I think becoming parents is the definitive point in one's life where you become All Grown Up.

At least that is the case for me, now that i've become a mother.

Turning 21, having my first booze, heartbreak, getting my driving license, first paycheck, moving out of parents' place and getting married all pale in comparison to the sheer weight of responsibility of having to tend to a tiny, defenseless human being, especially one who needs lots of cuddles and takes me for a milk vending machine.

I was reeling in happiness throughout my entire pregnancy, was still able to travel round the world, have romantic dinners with Alan and catch up with friends whenever I want. Now, the mere idea of stepping out of the house to go sit by the swimming pool at our apartment with little timmy daunts me. I'm afraid the blood-hungry mozzies will get to him; or else it'll be the germs hovering in the mrt trains and dust coming from the nearby construction site that will attack my precious boy.

Caught up with my good friend today and we were talking about our parents and in-laws, who, as they grow older, seem to have become as needy and attention-seeking as kids. I also realized that the topics we talk about have evolved from exams and teenage crushes during our secondary school days to husband, babies and family stuff.

Alan and I were looking through photos recently and noticed that alot of our peers who have kids seem to have aged alot, or at least, looked more mature. Maybe it's the post-natal blues, but whilst looking at our PC screensaver flashing not-too-long-ago pics of us in venice, zurich, spain etc in our courtship days, I felt overwhelmed with emotions. Even though I'm only 29, at that moment, I felt like 59.

I guess this is just the transition period and things will get alot better once i get a hang of being a mother and accepting that life will never be the same again. Timmy is growing so fast, soon, I won't be able to call him tiny timmy anymore. I want to relish every growing moment with him, believe that life will only be more colorful and meaningful with him around. And I know that as timmy grows taller and becomes more interactive and playful, I will learn from him how to be a kid again too.

Timmy turns 9.... days old

2008-09-18T20:36:00.013+08:00

I can't believe it's already been 9 days since the big event. It has been a topsy turvy ride so far; but with much more thrills than spills.

Little timmy's been such an angel since we brought him home. But we did have a little fright when jaundice set in and his cute face turned a strange pastey yellow. He didn't poo or pee the first day he was back home. I was heartbroken when we had to admit him to hospital again for his phototherapy treatment for 2 nights.

I lodged in for the 1st night so I could still feed timmy. This time, it was not in a fancy suite but a spartan 2-bedded ward with another lady that just gave birth and couldn't move 'cause the lower part of her body was still numb from the epidural .

It was the first time I caught a glimpse into the life of a typical singaporean family. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not being elitist or snobbish, but I guess my family has never really been the traditional sort and the friends I hung out with are pretty crazy and non-conformist.

The first thing the new parents next to me talked about was lottery. Apparently, the day their baby was born was a very auspicious day in the Chinese calendar and many of their relatives bought lucky numbers based on the baby's birthdate and won money.

Oh yes. They were also discussing about the latest baby bonus and all the benefits they were going to get.

The husband was a shocker.

Not very friendly, didn't even say hi and when his wife was finally in the ward, he slumped into the armchair next to her and dozed off, giving out the loudest grunt-like snore. Shortly after, he told his wife he's going home to sleep. Good riddance, I thought. At least I could finally get some rest too.

I get really excited every time the nurses wheel little timmy into the room for me to feed him. I think it's instinctive for mums to wake up several times in the wee hours of the night and not be tired at all. I talked to timmy a lot and ask him how he's enjoying his suntanning and tell him how much I miss him.

Whenever the nurse wheels my neighbor's baby to her, I hardly hear any sound from her 'cept from the Chinese TV programme she had on her screen. I've never heard her make any cooing sounds or call out her son's name. I think she even mispronounced her own boy's name - Alston. She says it as 'L-ston', rather than 'All-ston'.

Oh well, who am I to judge.

I'm just so thankful for a wonderful husband like Alan who, despite his clumsy ways, still tries his best to take care of me and timmy.

We've been trying to make litl' timmy an australian citizen so he doesn't need to do national service when he turns 18. Little did we know that since he was born in Singapore, he automatically becomes a sg citizen. The only way to get away is for us to submit a request for renouncement when he turns 13, and then officially renounce his citizenship at 21 years old. It is quite a confusing process, how can he renounce at 21, and still skip N.S at 18???

Anyway, the only thing we can do now is not claim any baby benefits. Not that we intend to in the first place. Just in case 20 years down the road, the govt. throws us into court. And we know, no one has ever won a case against the Singapore government so far.

And then our family will run far far away so the sg government can't find him. I'll probably have to meet my family and friends in Malaysia then.

all in a day's work.

2008-09-12T11:19:00.024+08:00

yup. THE day has finally arrived. And it crept in ever so quietly, none of us were prepared for it at all.

08.09.08. 1830hrs
Alan cooked his signature fish otak, and I made sambal okra and thai seafood salad for dinner.
0300hrs. alan started having contractions.

09.09.08. 1200-1500hrs
I started having the runs, was camping in the toilet for 3 hrs battling the worst diarrhea. Didn't help that i bought cheap toilet paper that felt like sandpaper agst my butt.

1310hrs. 90 sec contractions. 1320. 1330. 1350...1508.1518... Pain was coming very consistently and growing in intensity. I called Alan but we still reckon it'll be a false alarm. Alan decided to pack up his work at slug-pace to come back. We still snacked on a few pieces of fatty roast pork before driving to gleneagles hospital.

Looking back, i still couldn't believe how chilled out both of us were.

1630hrs. Arrived at gleneagles labor ward. now camping in new toilet. contractions persisted, but still bearable.
Nurse checked me and realised that my cervix has not dilated a single bit yet. Was mentally ready to be sent home.

1800hrs. Decided to get some laughing gas but dealing with gas tubing was such a hassle and it didn't work at all.
Alan took a whiff of the gas and started to get light-headed, giggling on the couch. I looked at him. Not impressed.

1930hrs. Finally decided to get epidural block coz the pain was getting really unbearable. Nurse suddenly told us that my cervix has dilated from 0 to 5cm within 1.5 hrs.

The anaesthetist saundered in. He didn't look like a bona fide doc. More like a fishmonger clad in corporate wear, flirting away with the auntie nurses. Alan went to have curry chicken for dinner. Fishmonger doc left for home after that i think.

Stupid epidural didn't work at all and I was literally in tears. the nurses kept increasing the dosage, but why could I still feel my legs and puffy toes? alan did the breathing exercises with me. but after awhile, the contractions kept coming one after another, with no end in sight. I grabbed my own arm so tight that it began to bruise. Where the hell is the doc??!!! Nurses kept running in and out, panicking because doc is still on the roads and no one knew what time he'll arrive.

Ka-boom! I thought I let out a big fart and more diarrhea on the bed, but actually it's my waterbag that just broke. Alan heard it too.

Felt a very urgent urge to push down again. A nurse walked in in time and told me to stop pushing coz she could see the crown of baby's head! Where is doc??!! I held baby in, panting away. Nurse switched off the TV so I could see the reflection of the passage way baby's going to take.

Doc finally arrived, put on a flimsy plastic apron and gloves and told me to push. I held my breath and gave one big push and viola! baby was out! He came out fast and furious, I didn't even feel his head popping out, just his shoulders.

Darn epidural is still not working! Could feel every single stitch the doc made. Can't believe he actually made it in record time, 30 secs before baby popped. It's strange how within a split sec of baby coming out, I forgot all the pain I endured during labor, and even the stitching was nothing compared to the immense joy of seeing baby timmy in his full glory, and yes... he is definitely a boy. Peed straightaway when he came out.

Alan and I are still reeling in disbelief and happiness (not laughing gas induced) 4 days later. Little timmy is the most beautiful baby and he is so full of quirky expressions. He even has my ugly feet with 2nd toe longer than the rest. And he lets out the most toxic rotten egg farts!!!

new milestones

2008-08-28T21:57:00.003+08:00

My clothes business, Nest Apparel is taking off soon and with baby along the way, I am on an all time high and simply have no time to stop, breathe or panic.

Just tied up with Cherrybrook kindergarten, which is having a fundraising Dinner and Dance in 1st week of nov at orchid country club, to showcase my clothesline in a fashion show. It'll be a great launching pad for NestApparel. Now I'm busy doing up my own website to save money and making more brooches.

I went to do clothes fitting for the kids on tuesday. I never knew how different in built 4 year old kids are, it's so challenging to work out the sizing.

The boys were really cheeky. Two of them asked me in all ernestness why I was so fat.

I was more amused than mad.

My neighbor was telling me how fast her 1.5 yr old girl has grown, and how she's becoming more and more like her dad in personality and mannerism. They both laugh at their own farts, and their toes on their left feet curl up whenever they are eating their favorite food! It makes me realise that some things are not learnt or conditioned; that a kid actually possess some inherent part of you, like they are tiny carbon copies of you, no matter how bizarre or silly.

Caught up with my mum for dim sum on tues and she was recalling all the milestones in my childhood, especially after my parents were separated and she had to keep my brother and I occupied with cheap or free outings. She said she never knew i had any artistic talents, but just brought me to drawing contests organized by community centres, coz these activities are usually FOC. She said that for one dragonboat festival art contest, whilst all the other kids drew dragonboat races, I, strangely, drew an old granny making 'bak chang'.

She also brought along 2 stuff toys that i had since i was really young to pass on to my baby - a papa smurf and a baby smurf.

Both are now nice and clean, smelling of washing powder.

But they are still the same toys that i remember so well. For beneath all their jumbled cotton stuffings lie all the special memories that me and my mum share together. And I can't wait to create my own new milestones with my baby and family.

Are you smarter than a fifth grader

2008-08-11T10:24:00.002+08:00

I love this show on StarWorld.

On national day, I had my fair share of tough questions to tackle.

Alan and I were invited to a friend's birthday celebration. He had a few couple friends who brought along their herd of kids to the party too. Eight kids altogether, from 4 months to 12 years old. They were a ball of fun and were generally well-behaved. I made friends with 4 year old Fletcher, a very handsome Australian boy with cool gelled-up hair. We were watching the black knights do their flying stunts through the windows when he suddenly turned around and realized I had a big tummy.

His initial look of excitement watching the planes turned to one of curiosity and he suddenly became quiet.

I kind of guess what he was wondering, so I told him I have a baby inside my big tummy, and invited him to touch my baby bump and say hi to baby. Towards the end of the night, he looked at me again, and together with his 6 yr old sister, asked me how i manage to put a baby inside my tummy.

I was lost for words. The only thing i can come up with is that I manage to swallow a large egg. I then told his dad what fletcher asked me, he was abit embarrassed and said yeah, it's about time we figure out how to explain to him the birds and bees. maybe i should just leave it to his mum.

I wonder when will my baby ask me how he came into this world and how I would come up with my own version of the birds and the bees fairytale. I wonder if I'll be smart enough to match my boy's inquisitive mind and curiosity as he grows up. Already, I feel like I'm losing my memory and getting stoopider by the minute!

That night after the party, I was in bed and have my own list of questions that just pop up and i had to ask Alan. Just sily questions like: is sheep the adult of a lamb or just a collective plural term? What's the female of a cow - hilfer? Is a male cow a bull? Is the young of a cow simply baby cow? Alan was pretty clueless too so we looked up wikipedia on our itouch in bed and still, were not too convinced with the answers to these important life questions.

Oh well, i think when baby comes out, we'll have to learn alot more from him than he, from us!

Becoming Gaia

2008-08-01T21:27:00.002+08:00

I realized recently, after my tummy has ballooned, that being pregnant naturally elevates one to an almost divine-goddess status.

Strangers tend to be friendlier to you. Random people, especially old folks, will chat you up and ask you many questions pertaining to baby, my health and spew out words of wisdom on what to do and what not to eat during pregnancy. Some of the aunties in church have also given me a tummy rub without me asking for one. Taxi drivers have been kind to me as well, making a more conscious effort to stay at a consistent speed of 60km/h even on a highway, nagging me to be careful when I walk out of their car, and charging me a few cents less for cab fare.

I thoroughly enjoy the privilege of being a mother-to-be.

It's as if a pregnant woman can do no wrong:

She is allowed to gorge herself silly because she's now eating for two,
Dress frumpily,
Be given less work in the office;
Have the right to a seat on the mrt,
Cut queue at foodcourts and taxi stands. It's her perogative!
Create her own zebra crossings and stop traffic anywhere she goes.
Spend more money on non-essentials like a quaint birdcage even though she has no pet birds and pretty plastic flowers, ('coz her nesting instincts have kicked in)
And last but not least, be forgiven for the occasional husband bullying.

I was telling Alan last night that I feel sad for people who never get a chance to experience a little life kicking inside them. Alan says he sometimes feel like there's a tapeworm doing somersaults in his tummy. Duh.

My yoga teacher told us today that pregnancy is the only time women become most aware of their inner selves. Once baby pops out, it's all about them, the family, the husband, and hardly any time for themselves anymore.

I'm now into my 33rd week and people kept reminding me that baby's going to come out soon.

I actually don't want him to come out so soon. I love having him inside me and being able to be mobile still. I'm afraid I won't know how to take care of baby when he comes out. Now, he is safe and knows how to clear his own poo and feed himself inside my body.

Apart of fearing that we'll drop the baby or underfeed him, I think I'm secretly afraid of losing the privileges of being a big pregnant woman. There goes my excuses for putting on weight and wanting Alan to get me chocs in the middle of the night!

Little baby's going to usurp my throne and rule over 2 very clueless adults!

Happy little tidings

2008-07-29T13:10:00.003+08:00

Yippeeee! I spent a wonderful day yesterday having the yummiest dim sum with cindy at Imperial treasures Ngee Ann City. The food beats Crystal Jade's hands down! Cindy gave me a pack of giotto chocs and i gobbled up 2 tubes out of the 4 packs at one go. Forgot how yummy german chocs are!

First milestone for my brooch business - SWIRL has decided to showcase most of my brooches at their store! I love all the stuff they have in their store.

http://picasaweb.google.com/amigoamy/SewRipBroochCollection

www.ilovetoswirl.com

Pursuit of my creative Happyness

2008-07-26T13:09:00.003+08:00

My business start-up is slowly, but surely - starting up.

Got most of my clothes made, I just need to find a sunny day to do the photoshoot with my neighbors' kids, send to website designer and I should be set to go! Don't think I can make it before baby pops out but it's okay.

Have been keeping myself busy making brooches, taking still photos of my clothes designs and talking to retailers about consigning my brooches in their shop. Starting a business on your own is really no walk in the park, but I really enjoy every learning moment. Most challenging I reckon is dealing with people - i cannot complain enough about my tailor who took 6 months to finish my first small collection, and having to pluck up enough confidence to convince shop bosses to showcase my designs. Dealing with my own doubts about my own creative works is sometime the hardest. I guess everyone is their worst critic!

I am inspired by a sec friend of mine who is currently a flight attendant. She's been making the best use of her free roadtrips to hone her photography skills and she is so darn good. She wants to quit flying by next year and study photography full time. Many of my peers have taken such diverse career paths and I am encouraged by those who dare to take the road less travelled. Especially in an uptight nation that is not so forgiving on falling or failing.

Here's to all who dare to freefall for their creative passions!

loving selflessly... can someone tell me how?

2008-07-14T16:11:00.002+08:00

I've been pretty upset the last few days because Alan's been traveling a fair bit again. I gave him his leave pass to catch up with a friend from London in Bangkok for the weekend, but that was long before I knew he was going to be in Manila for the whole of this week.

Also agreed to let him go to Switzerland for a weekend hike with greg and silvia at the end of July. Then he's off to china in the first week of Aug for work.

I didn't think too much about it when we discussed his leisure travel plans a long time back. I knew he still needs his own personal space and he hardly gets to catch up with his best buds. But as my tummy starts to bulge out more and more til I can't see my toes now, I'm starting to worry that baby with pop out unexpectedly. It doesn't help when i tell people my husband is away and they give me such sympathetic, tsk tsk looks that make me feel abnormal.

I try my hardest to be a supportive, understanding and cool wife but i think deep inside, i really want alan to be by my side all the time. The problem is I don't know how to articulate my real feelings. I don't want to be seen as needy or high maintenance.

Was giving him the cold treatment and sending him on a long guilt trip when he came home from bangkok late last night and this morning before he left for the airport again. Got a message in the aftn from him that his regular cab driver said he looked stressed out.

Made me feel abit guilty then. I knew he was having some problems at work but at that point in time, I just thought of my own wants. I wished then that I've given him a few more cuddles last night and not be so curt in my responses last night.

How does one give love and support when one feels drained and dry? Like the cheesy song goes.. I'm not a SUPERWOMAN... Well, i guess knowing that both of us are only humans with flaws and failures is a good start.

Bali high

2008-07-09T09:35:00.009+08:00

I went to bali for a wonderful beach wedding last weekend. Sigh... It's going to be the last holiday before baby pops out.

Must say i was pleasantly surprise with what bali has to offer. Even when i was there, I've already made up my mind to come back again with baby.

Was really wonderful to wake up everyday, have a yummy breakfast and take a nice relaxing stroll along Semiyak beach; watching people jog on the cool wet sand that shimmers in the sunlight, skinny teenagers doing their surf runs on the ferocious waves and the occasional stray dog teasing the little crabs out of their pothole homes with his paws.

Dirk and marilyn's wedding is one of the most beautiful I've been to. The ceremony was held on a deserted beach a good one and a half hrs' drive away from town. It was a simple ceremony held against the surreal backdrop of a lovely sunset, calm breeze and soothing music. Everyone was in such a relaxed holiday mood and we've made many new friends from sg, australia, s.africa and france. I got to know Dirk and Marilyn when they first got together in sg and it was wonderful to see them take their love to a deeper level.

Favorite moments in bali:
a) Getting a room upgrade and free cake because Alan indicated in our hotel booking that we were on our honeymoon...
b) Morning walks on the beach
c) Smell of frangipanis everywhere (but not in a scary pontianak way)
d) Marilyn walking down the aisle with her dad
e) Lou (Marilyn's god-daughter and flowergirl from France who can't speak a single word of english) coming to stand with me for group photoshot
f) Every single eating moment...
g) Last but not least, Alan getting out of the pool in his wet white linen pants. Classic!

Baby frenzy and crazy moms

2008-06-12T18:34:00.002+08:00

Our neighbor organized a bbq lunch at our poolside last weekend for the mothers who bring their kids to the same play-school as her 15 month girl and invited us to join them.

It was the first time Alan and I were surrounded by more than 10 infants and toddlers and their parents. You can just imagine the madness and the number of toys spewed all over the baby pool, including a blown-up gigantic alligator. We were introduced to a whole new world of swim nappies (that wun fill up with water), baby-friendly foods and baby-talk in that brief 3 hours. It was a short luncheon coz the families have to go home for their kids' afternoon nap.

We were just commenting how parents would naturally nurture an instinct to look out for one another's kid in such a big crowd when we heard a big splash and realized my neighbor's baby girl has fallen into the baby pool. Without hesitation, another dad quickly jumped in to pull her up, but not before kicking his own 4-yr old girl into the water.

We thought that was pretty hilarious, it seems like something right out of a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon.

Caught up with my ex-colleague from SIA for lunch and she told me she flew with another stewardess who was 2 months pregnant. She didn't want to let the company know before she cashes out on her full bonus in July. I can't believe how some parents can disregard their own and baby's well-being for a 5.8 month incentive.

I love hanging out with Jaclyn and her 2 month old boy Ayden. Jaclyn will suddenly burst out in nursery rhyme and chinese pop, make coo-coo gargling sounds in her attempt to communicate with her boy. Babies can make parents do silly things. I find it more entertaining watching her than her boy.

I must really be careful of what i wish for. Right after going to the gynae for our regular check up 2 weeks ago. baby stated kicking me so much and i could literally see my tummy move, as if there was a ninja digging through sand. Alan often puts his hand on my tummy and it freaks him out a little feeling all his movements.

Kick baby kick!

2008-05-27T09:54:00.003+08:00

I'm getting paranoid.

I feel my tummy's shrinking rather than expanding. I'm already into my 24th week and still look like I've got a small beer gut.

A few pregnant ladies I've talked to start to feel their baby kicking around the 20th week.

My baby seems so quiet. No matter how I boogie shake, he just doesn't stir. I've even been sleeping through the entire night; previously i would wake up automatically to pee coz baby's pressing on my bladder.

Hope baby does some somersaults soon. Just to let mummy know you are still there.

Declaring God's grace

2008-05-17T05:21:00.003+08:00

Alan's friend Jake Anotonisz and his girlfriend were in town for the SIA Cup horse race this weekend. It was the first time they saw me pregnant, and during our drinks session, Jake told me sincerely that I am glowing with radiance and joy and his girlfriend is so tempted to have a baby after seeing me!

I was really touched.

I have been having sleepless nights. Probably extended jetlag. It's now 5.25am, I've been up since 3.44am and I've only had 3 hours of sleep after the drinks session. In the stillness of the night, well, except for Alan's incessant snoring, I started to reflect on my pregnant journey so far.

I remember speaking to my body way before I was pregnant for God to prepare my womb - that it will be a well of living waters brimming with divine health and wholeness. I've heard too many real life stories of couples trying so hard to conceive to take for granted that bringing forth a child into this world is a miracle of life and such a special privilege.

I am reminded that before Creation, the entire universe was hollow and empty. God spoke forth to the nothingness because He foresaw what great potential and beauty the world possess. And everything He created was good. And still is. Just like God, I, created in His image, declared life to spring forth amidst the loud churning of my stomach juices.

It sometimes scares me to think about raising kids in these turbulent times. What if my kid never gets to taste rice because it would be depleted in the future? What if the only friendships he's going to have are those in cyberspace and he speaks in SMS lingo instead of singlish?

I know that God already has a divine plan and destiny for me and baby. I can rest in His love and the fact that He never fails me, just like He heard and answered my silent prayer for a child.

I know baby's going to be such a healthy, happy... chick magnet!

Happy Birthday to me

2008-04-21T10:09:00.005+08:00

I turned 29 last sunday.

Alan asked me how I felt becoming another year older. I've never felt happier and younger-at-heart even with the inevitable 30 creeping closer and closer.... And guess what, I'm still having birthday celebrations!

I feel special, because I am surrounded by friends and family, and a husband who loves me very very much, and more importantly, I received a special gift inside of me - my baby boy. He's 19 weeks old and has been a good boy so far. I am enjoying every single minute being pregnant!

Caught between a rock and a hard place

2008-04-04T09:45:00.003+08:00

I am caught in between a rock and a hard place.

Alan told me and his parents (who were staying with us for 2 nights) that there is a possibility of him moving to Perth for a few months between May and September (i'm due in mid Sept) to oversee a big mining deal.

His parents were of course elated at the prospect of their son moving back to Perth and were already suggesting possible suburbs we can stay in. This morning, mum told me she doesn't want to be too happy yet, just in case the perth move does not pull through. That, in Mother-in-law talk translates to 'I will be soooooooo happy if we move there'.

Wait a minute, she didn't actually mention 'we'. just Alan. but i think she probably meant 'we' as in Alan and I moving back. After all, isn't it only right that a woman follows her husband wherever he goes?

I know how much that deal meant to Alan, he confided in me that he was abit bored with his job and this pet project was a challenge that he's been looking forward to for a long time.

I want to be a good and supportive wife, but the idea of being away from Singapore (regardless of all its rude people and crazy traffic), away from friends and relatives was just too daunting for me in my current state of pregnancy. Even if Perth was to have better weather and healthcare, psychologically, I still feel safer and more at ease in home ground. I'll even tolerate the hokkien-spouting nurses and lack of parking lots at the hospital here and risk giving birth in our car.

I've contemplated having Alan go to perth and me stay in Singapore. We had a long distance courtship for 9 months, it shouldn't be that hard right?

I wondered about single mothers going through labor with no one to hold their hands or be their punching bag?

I wonder if I could get my mum to be in the deliver room with me, or have Alan fly back a week before I'm due for some moral support.

To be fair to my husband, he's tried his best to be as involved and attentive to my needs so far; and I know the decision to move overseas for the betterment of his career ultimately lies in my hands.

I'm praying hard I don't have to make any life-and-death choice.

But i've coined a new term for myself in case i need to use it -

'Married Single Mom' (MSM for short)

belly-envy

2008-04-02T17:50:00.002+08:00

I attended my first fit-ball class today at 'Birth and Beyond', a shop specializing in exercise and antenatal classes for pregnant women. Our teacher who is German, told us she was going to give birth next Monday. You can just imagine how humongous her tummy is now.

I couldn't help but feel really envious when I saw the other 3 pregnant mothers who attended the stretch and tone using the exercise ball class with me. We did a self-introduction and all of them are around 30 weeks or more pregnant and looked so slim and radiant!

I must be the fattest of the lot at 16 weeks!

So Blest

2008-03-31T11:46:00.002+08:00

A few bursts of blessings happened to me yesterday.

I was feeling a little down when I got into a cab to go to church. When I got in, the cab driver told me that when he saw me in my sundress and sunnies, it put a smile on his face. I don't know why he said that, but I know he certainly wasn't trying to crack on to me. It made me blush a little and immediately my spirits were lifted somewhat.

News about my pregnancy traveled fast and furious in church. I was certainly not prepared for the barrage of well-wishes, advice and screams of joy that my friends and all the aunties in church showered on me.

I felt really loved and blest at that moment. (I wasn't prepared for an auntie's advice on nipple care tho')

Alan's been traveling quite a fair bit and I haven't been catching up with alot of my friends lately, my business planning has been really slow so I guess I've withdrawn into my own shell and felt quite detached from the outside world.

But just in half a day, I've encountered so many splurts of nice surprises that I can't help but feel God's unchanging and immense Love for me. I was truly overwhelmed being reminded that no matter how small a corner i think I've withdrawn into, Jesus still knows that I'm there and sought me out to show me that I am not alone.

Sawadeekup!

2008-03-23T16:38:00.011+08:00

After having been to tourist-packed places like Bangkok, Phuket, Koh Samui and Krabi previously, Chiang Mai proved to be a breath of fresh air and offers a more humble and perhaps more 'real' insight into the life and culture of the thai people.

I seriously thought Chiang Mai would be like her infamous neon-lit, seedy city sister Bangkok, but she proves to ooze a lot more quiet charm and rustic beauty than any Asian city i've been too.

What caught me and Alan by surprise was how clean and pollution free the roads were. I was truly mesmerized by the reflection of the sun glistening on the roads at the break of dawn. The people are polite and friendly as usual, even the tuk tuk and cab drivers are likable here! They ask if you want a ride and if not, would not hassle us relentlessly. The most memorable experience we had was the day tour to the Golden Triangle. I was not prepared for the rough and bumpy boat ride James Bond style from Chiang Rai to Burma and then to Laos. I was expecting more of a dinghy sampan and a leisure row by the boatman to the neighboring countries. I felt my baby inside leap a few times and that really scared me a little. Alan was oblivious to me, busy trying to hold on to his video camera while doing a blair-witch commentary on the sights. I hope my baby turns out to be active and adventurous after all he/she's been through!

We then proceeded to the hill-side village where 3 or 4 different tribes lived together. Most of them are originally from Burma and make their living selling handicrafts to tourists. They hardly venture out of their village and get alot of

subsidies from the thai govt. The most famous of the tribal people is of course the long-neck people. The girls have brass rings placed around their necks when they are as young as 4 or 5 years old and have to wear them til they die. I can'tbelieve the things people would do for the sake of beauty!

The night bazaar is another famous attraction in Chiang Mai, originally made up of chinese-muslim caravans coming from China, Laos and Burma, the night bazaar has morphed into something like the typical pasar malam with your usual fake vcds and watches on sale. But it still beats the ones in other asian countries 'cause there is just this unnatural peace and quiet surrounding the night bazaar. I try to pinpoint the difference and i think I've found it. No loud techno music blasting in the background!

Will definitely make another trip back to Chiang Mai. Hopefully the next time we can ride a bicycle with my baby strapped in front of me!

loving the bun in the oven

2008-03-18T20:43:00.002+08:00

I'm beginning to really embrace and enjoy having a little life inside my tummy.

Thank God i haven't had any morning sickness or strange food cravings so far 'cept for that 1 week after chinese new year where i had food poisoning and was having lao sia and vomiting all day long. Lost 2 kg in that week. Having my face and arse facing the same toilet bowl was really disgusting. Thinking about it makes me feel nauseous now.

It's been 14 weeks and... still no baby bump! Yipeee! It's good to finally go past the crucial 1st trimester mark. I'm going to start going for yoga classes, swimming and sneak in one or two cheeky getaways!

Can't wait to head to chiang mai this good friday weekend and have authentic glutinous rice with mango.

Am now trying to plan a long trip in may before i get too big and heavy to get on a plane. was racking our brains last night to decide where to go. Thought of new york actually since the dollar is so weak now but the idea of being on a plane for 20 odd hours really scares me. Strangely, i flipped through the life section of ST today and saw a write up on interesting buildings to see in NYC, and alan just told me he got an email offering good deals for marriot hotel in NYC!

What are the odds!!!! Guess this is it. I've always said i hated doing flights to ny last time. hopefully, this experience in the big apple will finally leave a sweet taste in my mouth.

dried up

2008-03-16T17:11:00.002+08:00

I feel like my creative juices are drying up.

After hanging up my SQ kebaya and coming back to earth, it feels like I'm no longer inspired to blog about my pretty mundane life. I used to be able to take a stressful or stoopid incident that happened on my flights or with my fellow colleagues and give it a funny spin. That always makes me feel better. Writing was my cathartic outlet, now, i usually take it out on alan. he's my new punching bag. hee hee. by the way, i always win our weekend wrestling matches.

It's been exactly a year now since I quit flying. And if i was still flying, it would have been my 4th year by 23rd March, and if i were to hang on a while longer, next year i would have been laughing all the way to the bank with my gratuity. Not that i regret quitting. but once in a while, when i think about the 10K i can get next year, it does seem quite an incentive to stay on.

But i should be thankful and excited about this new phase of my life.

Starting a business is not as easy as i thought, you can set up objectives, biz plans, budget and timelines but alot of things don't always fit in as neatly as you planned them to be. But i'll still hang on. I have nothing to lose anyway. I can't fancy working in an office setting or join the mad mrt rush everyday anyway. But i'll need to start those creative juices flowing again.

I'm so happy to have a little bundle of joy coming my way too. I can't believe i'm already 13 weeks pregnant, but still no baby bump! I can't wait to be visibly pregnant so people can give up their seats to me and let me jump the queue in the toilets!

Konichiwa Kawaii Japan!

2008-02-06T16:53:00.006+08:00

I know this is long overdue.... have been nuaing for for 1st half of the new year to the extent that I'm too lazy to even write my blog. i definitely have to etch down my last trip to japan before my memory bank fails me.

Alan and I were invited by his client - Daiichi Shipping to christian a new vessel in the 1st week of feb and it was one of the most memorable trips of my life and I am ever so thankful for this special experience.

I was reeling high in excitement and anticipation. We were really living the dream, traveling in style in biz class, got upgraded to a suite in imperial hotel in ginza and being treated like king and queen for 3 days.

My limited notions of japanese companies are morning exercise, blind loyalty whereby many employees stay in one company til they retire, and where hierarchy, red tape and military style protocols are rule of thumb.

But I must say, it is so good to be at the receiving end of their unique corporate culture.

Day 1: arrived in tokyo in the evening and was welcomed by a Daiichi employee and chauffered to our hotel. Was pleasantly surprised when hotel staff wheeled in a trolley with beautiful flowers and a very delicious bottle of champagne. Slept like a baby on the super-king size fluffy bed.

Day 2: had to shop alone while alan went to office to sign big contract, had a traditional japanese meal with shabu shabu with daiichi people. Beyond the smart suits and sleek hair dos, the japanese, after a few sakes and beers, can really be crazy party animals.

Day 3: went to tokyo train station and was introduced to the daiichi president and his wife. we hopped on the train for a 3-hr ride to obayama where the launch will be held. was in the 1st class cabin and daiichi pple bought us yummy bento sets. Delicious!

took a coach to tamano shipyard, was flanked by a dozen black suited men and reeled into a 'hosting room' sitting face to face with 12 top delegates. really contrive, no one speaks, everyone just drinks their coffee politely before looking at their watches at the exact same time when the big boss says... ' i think it is time'. Alan and 1 were whisked into limousine number 1 and we took a 1min drive to the podium where the ceremony will be held.

It was really windy and i didn't have my top coat on. It was so cold! I had to try hard to stop my teeth from chattering while the japanese and australian anthem music were played. Alan read out the official name of the new ship and after that, the workers had to complete a few processes like removing sandbags from ship etc before it was my turn.

An official prepared a gadget consisting of a stainless steel axe screwed above a nylon rope, then i took the stainless hammer and hit the axe as hard as i could. The nylon rope snapped and before i knew it, the champagne bottle had smashed onto the front of the ship, streamers start to fall from above and the ship slid effortlessly into the waters. Everything happened like clockwork. It was so awesome seeing the huge ship sailing in the background.

Spent the weekend with dougie, mitsyuo and their 2 beautiful girls hannah and rosie. It snowed so much on our last day and we had such fun bringing the kids out to the playground in the heavy snow!

missing the skies

2007-12-08T00:02:00.000+08:00

It's been 10 months since I quit flying.

I've been asked a few times whether i missed flying, and the answer has always been a clear resounding 'no'.

But i actually started to miss my flying days a little, when i sat at the bar at carlton hotel watching the bartender fix a martini yesterday. I never expected something like that to make me reminisce about my flying days. Countless times I've gone to the airport and seen the familiar blue kebaya past me by but nothing stirred my heart.

Hmmm... Maybe i should set up my own bar....

scratched

2007-11-29T17:22:00.000+08:00

Yup, the worst has happened.

I've scratched alan's car on my 2nd time driving the car without having anyone beside me.

I did pretty well on the roads, altho i took a wrong turn from cairnhill and ended up in some condo construction site. Had to ask some old construction workers for directions to newton. I even manage to drive on the newton circus roundabout - the lanes dun merge properly and i dun know if im on the correct lane, but nevertheless made it home in 1 piece.

Got abit cocky, did a sharp 360 turn at the corner of our carpark and tried to park btween the building mgmt office and a pillar. Halfway thru, the car was at a 45 degree angle and i could see the side mirror nearly touching the pillar. Heard a screeching sound but thought it was the wheels. Gave up, managed to turn out of that tight spot and went to an easier lot.

Got out and that was when i saw the damage.

Shit.

I've got yellow paint from the pillar onto the car door handle. And some silver paint has come off from the handle.
I trembled and my heart was pounding so hard as i called alan (he's in philippines) to tell him about it. Was so afraid he'll scold me, coz sometimes i think he loves me more than our car.

All he said was.... that's okay dear. I still love you. I don't want this episode to put you off driving on your own.

Whew.

Me 1. BMW 0.

Good men die young....

2007-11-26T08:10:00.000+08:00

I chanced upon 'Billy Joel's greatest hits' amidst alan's dusty pile of old cds, and one of his song titles was ' Good men die young'.

I found out through a friend that one of my hostel mates, Stephen Loh, has drowned in the Tonle Sap river in Cambodia on Friday. He was there for the dragonboat competition during Cambodia's annual water festival.

I can still remember how stephen look like even tho i haven't seen him since i left uni. He is 1 year my senior and defintely one of the hottest guys with the best bods in school. He's always dressed simply - in a loose singlet and short FBT shorts that showed off his rippling muscles and toned legs. In NTU, he was already very passionate about dragonboat.

What was most memorable about him is his toothy grin, his crazy and funny girlfren then - Karen Tang, and rumor about him tackling an underwear thief at our hostel. He is very goofy and has the best temperament; I used to think of him as a male version of a dumb blond simply coz he was a dragonboater -they always carry a tetrapack of fresh milk everywhere they went and have such big biceps the gap between their arms and body is wide enough to fit a basketball.

But he is a good man.

And I believe he's touched many lives and alot of people are sadden by his sudden death.
It just seems so unfair for someone so bright, so strong, so young and so full of promise.

I've never feared the thought of death, at least, not my own death. I read Paulo Ceohlo's 'Veronica decides to die' sometime ago, about a 20+ year old Veronica who decides to take her life in her prime becoz she felt she has experienced all that she wanted - she's healthy and happy, and she wants to go that way, rather than die in pain and sickness, or in old age all alone.

Maybe that is a valid reason to die. Albeit a selfish one.

If someone I really love is suddenly whisked away and I can never see him or her again, I don't think I can handle it.

From Stephen's death, I've learnt that we live not only for ourselves, but for others as well.
We give others meaning for their existence, just like how others give meaning to ours.

I pray for stephen's family and loved ones, that in this time of darkness and unanswered questions, they can be strong and continue to let stephen and what he stood for live through them.

'The race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant
or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.'
- Ecclesiastes 9:11

weddings!

2007-11-19T11:02:00.000+08:00

I luvrrrvvve attending wedding celebrations!

I luv the dressing up, dressing alan up, catching up with friends i haven't seen for the longest time, and of course, food! Though the menu is pretty predictable, i still luv chinese 9 - 10 course meals. This is how we shd be eating for lunch and dinner everyday!

Yesterday I attended one of the most meaningful weddings ever. My hall friend David, and my faculty mate Yee Lee finally got married after a marathon 9-year courtship.

It wasn't the speeches, the guests or powerpoint slides that moved me. I realised at the dinner, how great it is to see 2 special people who deserves the best find each other. I felt privileged to be a part of their lives and to be integral in bringing them together.
I lurve attending weddings!

Nine years ago, David was having soccer training on the NTU field, she was having judo practice at the basketball court. Across the field and thru the goal net, david's eagle-like gaze zoomed in on yee lee and for him, it was love at first sight. Bugged me to get her number for him, she only let me give him her email add. The rest, like what they say, is, history.

I could still recall clearly when I asked how his attempts at wooing her did, his frank response was... she's a tough nut to crack. I'm so happy he didn't give up, and with the help of some cosmic powers , he, in all his loud-mouth, brash and ah bengish ways, finally won the heart of yee lee.

Yum seng to both of them!

drive me crazy!

2007-09-30T19:00:00.000+08:00

Finally.... I passed my driving test on my FIFTH attempt.
I reckon the tester felt sorry for me, that's why he cancelled 2 demerit points he gave me initially so that i get lesser points than what I deserved.

Nevertheless, a pass, is a pass.

Commited the cardinal sin of driving last saturday.... In my panic to avoid causing a jam along the narrow lane infront of Balmoral Plaza, I drove, head in, into a parallel parking lot. So smart of me.... It reminded me of an episode in Seinfeld where George competed with a guy for a parking lot and had everyone arguing whether the person with car butt reversing in, or front of car cutting in, has the right to the lot.

Had to apologise to all the drivers in the incoming vehicles for sticking my butt out so much while i waited for alan to pick up our dry cleaning.

Apart from that little boo boo, it's really great to finally be able to drive on the roads!

harrowing experience in phuket

2007-09-19T16:29:00.000+08:00

Went to phuket for the weekend and got stuck for one more day due to a plane crash on the runway.

We were all ready to check out of our hotel when the hotel reception called us and told us.... a plane dropped from sky, break into two, airport closed.... we thought it was a joke but when we switch on the tv to BBC n saw the news of the crash, it finally hit us that we were not going home that night.

The winds were bellowing so mightily and the rain kept pouring down for 3 whole days. We have direct access to the main pool from our balcony but during those few days, with the palm trees surrounding the pool being tossed and bent forward and backwards and the ripples on the surface of the pool moving so fast, it didn't seem at all enticing to take a dip in the water at all.

I have never encountered such bad weather before. Thankfully the rain stopped on sat night for us to experience the sleaze and colorful nightlife at patong, as well as do a little shopping on that extra day we had coz the airport was shut and no flights were coming in.

Call me a prude or conservative, but i did not enjoy much of patong's sleazy night scene and flesh parade. I was torn between feeling sorry for the young thai girls and ladyboys who i think, will fade away in their old age all alone, never experiencing love, respect or marriage; to feeling utter disgust for pathetic old white blokes flanked by underaged girls, 2 fat hairy indians asking a drop dead gorgeous ladyboy for a blowjob, young singaporean men at Agogo shows getting treated like gods whilst back hm they probably are snubbed by singaporean girls.

I did enjoy the cabaret show though. At least i felt it was more worth it seeing them give a spectacular performance than watching naked girls dancing out of rhythm to the background music on bar tops. i could fall asleep looking at them go thru the motion.

Most disappointing of all was that i could not find any restaurants or cafes that serve mango sticky rice! it was absolutely ridiculous, it was like going to the states and not finding any starbucks! grrrrrr.....

I missed my drafting exam on monday due to the flight cancellation and the principal said i automatically fail the module. sigh....

brokeback

2007-09-12T09:38:00.000+08:00

i was suffering from back pain for the last week and massages and tua na didn't seem to help correct my back or relieve the pain.

Was in jakarta last weekend, one morning as i sat on the great white throne in my friend's house, i decided to do abit of neck and back stretching. i must have jerked my neck to hard, i actually heard a sharp snap from my neck and felt my left shoulder blade getting out of whack. it was horrible and i couldnt turn my body to the left after that. i felt like ben stiller in zoolander where his himbo model character culd only do turns and poses on one side. had to go chinese sinseh in jakarta and he said i sprained my neck and did ba guan on me.

thank God my back is alot better now.

i got a new insight into the indonesians' way of life. Seriously, i have no clue what men do in indonesia, but judging from the many overfed, rosy-cheeked boys i see with a personal nanny always there at their beck and call,

i reckon... nothing much.

Instead, i see women in the same family clan banding together to do successful food business, setting up mini sewing factories in their backyards etc. karen's friend wanted to find someone to make bridesmaids' dresses for her wedding, we went to a terrace house that looked plain on the outside. when we opened the front door, we stepped into a different world (all 3 levels of it) with chandeliers, soft lighting, marble tiles and more than a thousand pieces of elaborated sequinned and embellished gowns and party dresses! Each gown costs about S$600 - S$1000.

Women in indonesia are really entrepreneurial and resourceful, and i've come to develop a deep respect and admiration for them.

Celebrations!

2007-08-23T17:00:00.000+08:00

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Had 2 special occasions to celebrate over last weekend - warwrick (alan's school fren) wedding in sydney, and dad-in-law's 60th birthday in perth. the weather in sydney held up for the wedding on saturday, with nice cool breeze and lovely sounds of waves lapping onto the coastline. It was nice for a change to wake up to the sounds of waves and kids running around on the beach.

Dad's birthday was a cozy family affair with wonderful seafood steamoat and longevity noodles. We also took a drive down to mandurah to check out the plot of land alan has invested in. Beautiful empty plot of land that is surrounded by nature and calm river stream. I guess this is wat they call the great outback life eh? (heard that all the sheep that were there previously there that helped clear the ground of weeds and bushes were all slaughtered by the tenants currently living there).

Dad said i must learn to get my hands and fingers dirty and learn how to plant and grow flowers and stuff... yeah right. I'll probably juz hire a young and good looking gardener, desperate housewife style.

back from OZ

2007-08-22T12:08:00.000+08:00

Juz got back from sydney and perth, wanted to upload pics but somehow, i replaced pic folder with new pics from another file and have all my wonderful pics taken at warwrick's wedding deleted! I am so stooopid.

waiting for alan to rescue me when he comes home fr work.

currently busy with 3 sewing projects and 1 sketching homework. sewing machine's gong to be out on dining table for awhile...

Sweet treat!

2007-08-15T20:43:00.000+08:00

Went to cedele at wheelock today with karen and while we were having our lattes and choc expresso banana cake, the waitress came over and gave us each a piece of heart-shaped pancake filled with delicious blueberries and topped with a thick slab of butter and lots of maple syrup.

We were the only ones in the entire restaurant who had the complimentary treat. No reasons given.

Heehee.... it's great being a girl. a cute one especially. ;)

Living the dream

2007-08-14T10:11:00.000+08:00

http://picasaweb.google.com/amigoamy/JapanAug2007

'We are living the dream...'

That was what one of doug's friend who's an expat based in Tokyo said about their lives whilst we were having karaoke at Roponggi.

There is so much life and color here!

It is truly a place where worlds collide - girls wearing their traditional summer kimonos and others in their french maid outfits and bizarre cosplay costumes; the tranquility and quiet charm of the shrines in kyoto vs the bright neon lights and superskyscrapers and the redlight districts; big shopping malls and long stretches of roads lined with retail outlets selling the latest gadgets and trendy clothes... I don't know why, but there is something very 60s, very hippie about the whole cultural landscape of japan.

In just 5 days, I've fallen in love with Japan and wish I never have to come back.

Teppanyaki with doug and Alan's clients.

In Kyoto

In roponggyi - partytown!

Alan, Doug and Alistair

at Shinjuku

Gay parade -

Kawaiiiiiiiiiiiiii

2007-08-07T07:28:00.000+08:00

Tokyo japan here we come!

Heading to the land of sashimi tonight, cant wait! :)

flashbacks

2007-08-05T09:12:00.000+08:00

Recently caught up with a few of my ex teammates from SIA and we starting reminiscing about our flying days. Out of the 6 in the group, 3 of us have resigned. And none of us have missed flying ever since. Altho once in a while, i feel abit heartache thinking about the 6.07mth bonus i missed out on coz i left before payout.

Oh well, there are some things tht money can't buy... Like having regular weekends to catch up with friends and family.

This week was back to childhood days for me. went bike riding with my new friend on wed afternoon, played badminton with karen, did the treetop hike at MacRitchie with alan and caught up with uni friends over steamboat at my place yesterday.

It's simple activities like these with good company that makes me happy.

On another note, after months of thinking up a name for my kids' clothesline, we finally decided on Swing and Slide. Wanted Buttcheeks initially, but found out it was used for many pornsites already when i googled it.

A roof above our blessed heads

2007-08-01T09:02:00.000+08:00

Yipeeeee! Our stress over looking for a new place to rent is finally over. Our rental lease at our current home is ending in september and we've been embarking on a very tedious, tiring and fruitless search for another place.

Waiting for the landlord to get back to us but they were dragging their feet on the matter and we've heard rental prices everywhere have shot off the roof! A few of his friends have to move out coz rents have gone up a good 120%!

Our building mgmt finally got back to us and gave us an offer we could not resist. Before anyone can ask 'deal, or no deal' we were already jumping up and down in delight. Suppose to sign official contract for another 2 years today. (mum wd be happy to know im going to be in sg for quite a while...)

Thank God, for all good things come from Him.

books

2007-07-31T08:42:00.000+08:00

started reading 'Why men love bitches' which was highly recommended by a good girl fren.

altho' it gives some insights into the psyche of men and their need for The Chase, i realise the book is no chicken soup for the soul at all. i wanted to pass it to some of my unattached but really really wunderful girlfrens, but i tink i shouldnt. it just makes one more cynical about having meaningful relationships without having to be manipulative and play mind games.

reading a chapter from this christian book called 'Destined to reign' everyday now. :)

losers on the loose!

2007-07-26T10:41:00.000+08:00

i think i haven't been out for way too long.

Yesterday was suppose to be a fun girl-buddy day out with my very first badminton session with karen in the afternoon and drinks with wenda at zouk.

There were 2 guys, probably in their late 30s playing badminton on the court next to us who kept starring and finally one came up to us and asked if we wanna play doubles. Had a blister on my finger and i tore the loose skin out so it was hurting real bad, i told him i hurt my finger and couldn't play well. He looked at me in disbelief, making me feel like i was stoopid for hurting myself in such a simple game. Really no E.Q.

At least he redeemed himself by searching the whole community centre for a plaster for me.

But he is still fugly.

Went to zouk and caught the Powerjam local music awards, was really cool to catch shirlyn perform her own song.

Some things never change in zouk, especially the classic dance moves that the ah bengs and ah lians do to 80's music. i got a kick trying to follow as closely as i could to the power moves of this guy standing next to me. They really do the 'square rooms' with such intensity and seriousness on their faces, i felt like i was in a live karaoke music video or stuck in a para para dance machine.

Got out not too long after coz the crowd was just too overwhelming for me. Wenda and i were waiting for wenda's cab driver to pick us up and this random guy just walked up to me and tried to chat me up while wenda was on the phone.

Who ever wears t-shirt and berms to zouk and expect to chat up any gal???!
I tink he must have had absolutely no luck inside so he just anyhow 'hantum' any girl outside.

He was just pathetic. I should have told him to go for an extreme make-over.
Usually if a girl gets chatted up, she is supposed to feel like honored and happy as she's attractive enuff to be noticed... but this one is definitely no ego-booster.

im so glad im no longer in the dating game. imagine how many losers you need to jump over before you can find anyone decent enuff.

i would have gotten a dog by then.

travel blues

2007-07-16T22:18:00.000+08:00

Traveling is not fun when you are not the one doing it.

Alan was away the entire week, got back late last night (could have flown back earlier but made stopover to hang out with James) and flew again early this morn for 2 days. He's going to be away for the whole of next week, and he asked me for permission to make a pitstop in melbourne to catch up with his old guy roommates James and Jeremy.

It's hard to be a loving and understanding wife, but after a small bout of tantrums and asking alan if he thinks his friend jeremy (who almost won a contest for the hairiest buttcrack) was sexier than me, I decided it was best for him to spend some time with the lads.

it's alot easier to deal with the distance when both of us are traveling like crazy; but after i've stopped flying, it just seems alot harder to sleep alone and not have a real goodnight kiss now.

maybe i should have hair implants between my buttcracks. heehee.

miss u dear.

drive me crazy!

2007-07-10T10:12:00.000+08:00

It's weird how we sometimes let a situation or a silly thought defines who we are.

I took my driving practical test for the fourth time (!!!!) last week and failed miserably... again.

Thought I had all bases covered, I was calm and composed; was polite to the tester and even wore a lucky red tube dress...

I was so devastated after the tester gave me my results that i just locked myself in the test car and quickly took wore my sunnies and just cried and cried on the phone with mum. I really can't understand why i just can't pass. I knew Alan was very disappointed in me (but didn't say it to my face) and everyone just kept asking me 'why'. i don't know why.

Started having alot of doubts about myself, whether i've gone stupider and stupider as i grow older. I've never failed in anything before, sure I've done badly in tests and exams in school but to fail 4 times!!!??? sigh...

I actually enjoy driving, but now i'm having such an intense fear of the test itself and of the results, tink it'll be awhile before i dare try a fifth time.

Like what i said to alan before, if we were to relocate elsewhere, I'll do just fine with a bmx and helmet.

living like an indo-chinese tai tai...

2007-07-01T10:41:00.000+08:00

Was in Jakarta and Bandung last week with my mum and best friend karen and we stayed with Karen's dad who has living there for more than a decade.

I've flown to jakarta when i was with SQ previously, but it was a whole new experience living like a local and visiting places that are not touristy at all. What really confounds me is the extremely unequal wealth distribution between the indo chinese and the darker-skin indonesians. Right beside huge mansions complete with roman pillars, gold carvings and jade-green marbled walls lay corrugated aluminium-roofed squatter houses lit by kerosene lamps. How people can flaunt their wealth so ostentateously amidst so much poverty around them, I can't understand at all.

Traffic was not as bad as i thought, especially if you know their unspoken code of ethics. No traffic lights or right of way, people would automatically give way without blasting their car horns. There is 'no government' or in hokkien - bo zeng hu, only money talks. The indonesians are pretty entrepreneurial, taking upon themselves to be traffic police directing traffic and helping vehicles get their illegal u-turns (for a sum of money of course); and for a small fee of 1000 rp (about 20 sg cents), u can even get a 'carpark warden' help u get a parking lot, or even help push cars out of the way to get your car out of the lot.

It is all so interesting and amusing.

On our last day, karen's dad drag us to a 'chic' salon called Sister salon. There were about 20 over female staff there sitting around and chitchatting with one another over peanuts. We saw many rich looking indo chinese tai tais come in to set their hair for the day. they all wear the same leopard or cheetah print blouse over tights and huge sunglasses with gold or bejewelled frames. Of course they are leave with a big bouffant-style hairdo that looked practically unshakeable by the biggest typhoon. I reckon each hairdo requires an entire can of hairspray.

i tink i can stay here for a few more days as long as there is cable tv and air-conditioning. :)

dengue scare

2007-06-25T09:10:00.000+08:00

did anyone catch the cheesy b-grade horror movie Mosquitoman on ch5 recently?

the mosquitos are taking over singapore and soon they will dominate the world!

a friend's 6 month old daughter is down with high fever and is still under observation for dengue.

i was down at the pool with alan yesterday and got 7 mozzie bites within 30 mins! was planning to do the treetop hike at bukit timah on sat but thot it's not so good an idea to be a walking bloodbank for mozzies.

project runway

2007-06-20T17:01:00.001+08:00

went to help out with the graduation fashion show for my school at mandarin hotel yesterday and i am truly inspired!
there is so much talent in singapore; i can't wait to make my creations come alive soon too.

ghosts 2

2007-06-15T19:14:00.000+08:00

The ghosts of alan's ex has resurrected!

now that she is no longer chubby and has gain some credibility as a model and tv personality, her face is everywhere!!!

never underestimate what a girl armed with a suitcase can do. grrrrrrr......

cupcakes!

2007-06-12T19:03:00.000+08:00

my classmate baked me lovely cupcakes to thank me for helping her with her assignment.
Yum yum!

weekend in melbourne

2007-06-05T08:13:00.000+08:00

Hee hee... took a sneaky trip to melbourne to join alan and to catch up with some friends for the weekend in the midst of my school schedule.

It was soooooo good getting out of the sweltering heat and humidity here and getting welcomed by the cool wintery winds and fresh crisp air. I've never really ventured out of the main shopping stretch when i was flying previously, this time i finally had time to explore the surburbs and relish in all that excitement and chill-out lifesyle that aussie life is all about.

We went to the food and wine festival in the expo centre and got ourselves pretty tipsy by 4pm. (we have been drinking wine and beer since 12 tho). Had great chinese food at 'Chairman Mao's' in chinatown, walked to the 'wet' market with lin and james to get a huge leg of lamb and some steak to bring back to sg. Lin whipped up a yummy spread of roasted lamb, saffron rice and spicy tomato corianda and cucumber salad for us.

Think i'm all geared up and refreshed for hot, crazy, traffic-jam packed with rude people singapore now.

ceasefire

2007-05-24T21:45:00.000+08:00

yup, the cold war didn't last long, though i had to sleep on the couch for a night to gain some sympathy points. :)

think i'm too stressed over school and i kinda block everyone and everything else out of my life becoz i want to do my assignments. a fren emailed to ask how i was doing in my fashion design course and i said i enjoyed it.
Wait a minute, i really am enjoying myself, so why am i pushing myself so much? i told myself to let go and have fun, afterall i'm just doing the course for 9 mths. no point shutting my loved ones out or straining relationships becoz of work. it's just not worth it.

i'm going to learn to love alan more and not snap at him for no rhyme or reason. mum said i need to take a deep breath and tink before i let my tongue loose.

miss traveling around the world with alan.

first milestone in our relationship

2007-05-18T22:38:00.000+08:00

just had my first BIG fight with alan and we are now waging cold war.

sigh... i'm sad.

Eeeeekkkkk!

2007-05-10T18:49:00.000+08:00

went for bodycombat workout today and saw something truly appalling...

the girl (butch) in front of me with sporadic tiny tattoos of scorpion, snake and tribal design on her body and wearing a sports bra and tiny shorts that have flaps on the side seams lifted her arms displaying a whole carpet of long hair on her underarms. I was so distracted i couldn't concentrate on my workout.

so disgusting.

soh... a needle pulling thread....

2007-05-08T22:29:00.000+08:00

barely survived 7 hours of sewing class. we started at 2.20pm and ended around 9pm. after 6pm, i was abit brain dead, face so close to my sewing machine i nearly sewed my own hair. zzz.

Back to school 2

2007-05-05T20:16:00.000+08:00

Why Back to School 2? well, 1st time was undergoing training before i started flying.

I finally have time to catch my breath and pen my thots about my experience at design school. I enjoyed it, classmates are all really nice, but i can tell how young and inexperieced they are as well. Some do not have any idea what i was talking about when i say i was having a drink session after school.

just lots of projects and hands-on stuff to do but i really love it. I feel im really in my element, be it using the sewing machine, painting my color wheel, or basic sketching of clothes. If only i've followed my heart when i was much younger and enrolled when i am 17. then again, when you are 17, you pretty much are clueless about what you want in your life. And everyone knows private schools with specialties like fashion dun exactly come cheap (they still don't). So I just follow the straight and singapore-way: study hard and move on to JC then move on to Uni and come out still not knowing what i want to do.

But i am thankful for this 2nd chance to go back to school. it is never too late i guess. Was a little conscious when i realise most of the students were 17, 19, early 20s.... but i've learnt to appreciate the wealth of experience and exposure to different people and fashion overseas when i was flying.

Now on application forms and paperwork i put my occupation as homemaker/student. :)

i'm a klutz

2007-04-26T21:22:00.000+08:00

did something realy stoopid today.

had lunch at vivo foodcourt - famous claypot laksa.

i put a thick scoop of my laksa beehoon in my spoon but got abit distracted by something on my left side.

Accidentally rested my hand on the piping hot side of the claypot and my hand jumped. along with a thick bundle of beehoon from my spoon. the white threads bounced up and did a dramatic twirl in the air and landed on my white shorts. on my crotch area. Ouch!

I could only look at alan and a few aunties siting near us and laugh at my own stoopidity before walking briskly to the toilet outside the foodcourt.

I can be such a retard at times.

failed...

2007-04-24T12:59:00.000+08:00

failed my driving test... again.
i nearly burst out in tears when the tester ran thru the test results with me.

i was really angry with myself becoz for some strange reason, i just couldn't do my vertical parking right. exceeded stipulated time and so he asked me to move off to main road. by then, i knew i was gone. was really in no mood to go on anymore.
i did ok on the roads despite crazy traffic conditions at 8.30am; but became smart aleck and told tester i wanna do s/crank course even tho' he's already failed me.

I was hoping he would pass me because of my good attitude and enthusiasm. yeah right.
couldn't tink straight, let alone, line my eyeballs straight - hit kerb halfway.

im appalled by my own driving. maybe i was too confident in circuit since at the last test, i didn't get penalised at all in the circuit.

sigh....

taxi driver tried to cheer me up and tell me not to give up. told me about his friend who took test 14 times.... that's great consolation. Not!

I really dun want to still be taking my driving test when i hit 30.

One small step...

2007-04-16T09:15:00.000+08:00

Finally, I've decided to take up an intensive fashion design course.
I am so encouraged by friends around me who really believed in me.
My best friend from sec school is quitting her job soon and gonna help me start up our fashion biz.
And of course, my best supporter - Mum, who is always there for me has been parading the skirt i made for her in church and praying ceaselessly for me.
Thank God for His faithfulness and love for me. I know He'll guide our every step because even before I came to the world, He already knew the great potential in me and all my hopes and dreams.

PS3 widow

2007-04-12T21:24:00.000+08:00

It's official. I've become a PS3 widow.

Gave Alan the green light to get a new toy and he got it straightaway.

You should see the look of envy on the face of every guy that we saundered past along Orchard Road.

Guess we're gonna be staying home alot more now...

Half-baked dreams

2007-04-11T16:28:00.000+08:00

Haven't felt so down or stressed out for a long while.

Alot of people come and tell me how lucky I am, I should be so happy now that I have such a good life.

I do have alot to be thankful for. I am healthy, I've got a loving husband, I have great friends and wonderful mum who supports everything i do, no financial commitments, no kids to tie me down, I have lots of time to do what i want to do. I seem to have everything, yet, I feel I am nothing.

When my godbrother Jake is still around (he's now with google in silicon valley), he always has to bear with me talking about my lofty dreams of becoming a big fashion icon with my own unique, money-making label, my wish to set up an art school/cafe for kids, a physiotherapist, a beauty consultant, blah blah blah... I've even contemplated becoming a tatoo artist after watching Miami Ink on cable recently.

It's been 2 months and 1 week since i quit my job. 2 months is not exactly long, I've friends who hadn't worked for 6 mths or even 1 year before reality hits them again.

What have I been doing? Gymming, sewing lessons, meeting friends for coffee, travelling, volunteering to do sales/mktg for someone I just got to know (but now I'm so sian of helping), taught 1 kids' class (next one would be in june). Strangely, the days, the hours seem to whizz by so quickly, but i am keenly aware that i am filling up time with activities; sleeping and waking up the next day to yet another day of sewing and gymming and cooking dinner.

While filling uo immigration form for my trip to Myanmar, I didn't know what to put as my occupation. I finally settled for 'housewife' instead of domestic goddess (am afraif the burmese might not have a sense of humor).

I've given a few friends who were at crossroads of their lives the much needed nudge to dare take the road less travelled but i now feel like i'm walking on a treadmill heading nowhere. I really want to start something on my own, but when i look at how stiff the competition is and how long it'll take before i can be good enuff to create my own clothes, it just freezes me up. It just seems all too imposible.

I had such a bad bout of panic attack today. I felt guilty that I'm enjoying life while my mum is still working hard to pay for the flat. I want my husband to be proud of me for my accomplishments in my career. I'm afraid I can never get out of this emotional dump.

My soul needs a little nourishing and
my heart more joy.
My eyes need to see half-full, instead of half-empty;
or else I'll never be happy.

Great is the person who dares make his dream a reality, rather than to simply dream big dreams.

Magical Myanmar

2007-04-09T09:12:00.000+08:00

The Golden land of Burma, now called Myanmar, is nothing close to any other countries I've been to.

Despite being so close to its more savvy and modern sisters Thailand and Cambodia, Myanmar is still pretty closed up to the outside world. In the last 3 days, we've only seen about 5 other foreigners there. There are also very few hotels, restaurants or commercial buildings in its main city, Yangon. Hardly anyone own a handphone and there was absolutely no reception on our s'pore mobiles. The locals often looked at us out of curiosity and are thrilled to have visitors from afar come see their land. Everyone is so friendly and helpful; seldom do we get children or beggars coming to hound us for money or to sel us souvenirs.

It took a while before I could garner enough courage to try the local food though. While the lads were gobbling up their soup noodles (2 bowls each!) at a roadside stall in their Chinatown, i could only drown the loud rubblings of my stomach with a big bottle of myanmar beer.

Magnificent pagodas with intricately hand-carved roofs and shiny gold walls cause the whole city to shimmer at sunrise and sunset. We learnt that both men and women have to go through monkhood at least twice in their lives. The males wore red robes, while the females wore pink. We got a peek into the lives of those living in the countryside when we traveled 5 hours to the Mon state and stayed in the town of Kyaikhoto, at the base of the Golden Rock pagoda. Entertainment for them is 3 or 4 televisions shared by the whole town (one of the TV screen was perpetually in red color coz the blues and greens are missing), and late night karaoke sessions.

The best part of the trip was sitting behind a pick-up with 50 other locals to go up to the Golden Rock Pagoda, 20 km away from Kyaikhoto town. The pick-up is packed and not a single inch of space wasted as the driver kept pushing people in.
The road up was very steep and winding and the reckless driver drove at very high speed. It was a rough roller-coaster ride. We still needed to travel by foot about 10 km to the top of the mountain. But the view up the mountain was worth all the soreness and cramps on our butts and legs. It always amazes me how people in olden times can carve up roads through thick jungles and mountains with simple tools and minimal machinery.

A few interesting nuggets of info about myanmar:
- sandlewood is used as a form of sunscreen on the face
- US money is accepted, but some bills that look too worn out or bear certain serial numbers will not be accepted
- a big bottle of myanmar beer costs about S$1.50
- motorcycles and hooting of car horns are not allowed in the big city
- never ever speak of the military or anything related to politics

I've had a few locals coming up and speaking to me in burmese. One of them asked our driver if i was local. I reckon if i were to stay abit longer, wear my SIA uniform instead of my tanktop and shorts (i tink they tink i look like a tart), let the dust in the air cake my face and make me more tanned, I could easily pass off as one of them and get charged S$0.10, instead of S$1.00 for a plate of fried rice.

You have to check out the pics on http://picasaweb.google.com/amigoamy/MyanmarApr07

Hong Kong rugby 7s

2007-04-02T10:15:00.000+08:00

Flew to Hong Kong over the weekend and managed to get tickets for the 2nd day of the rugby 7s!
Booze, sweat and wet beer farts are all i could remember about the rugby 7s. (didn't even have time for any shopping!!!) No one was really keeping their eyes on the game 'cept when the U.S.A, Australia and N.Z teams were playing. It was really a time for hardcore partying and dressing up in ridiculous costumes!

Best costume award would definitely have to go to a few blokes in the signature-borat V-string swimwear...
Can you imagine the tanlines on that???

Friday night at Lan Kwai Fong

the arena

The team from China reminds me of the guys from the 'evil team' in Shaolin Soccer.

Borats!

Hong Kong police

HK police turn 'fashion police' and tried to get 2 gals dressed up as police officers to hand over their plastic batons

'Man of the match'

It was quite scary when the crowd started throwing empty beer jugs at a tower of jugs that some stoopid guy stack.

Aussie vs France

I'm a taxi manaic

2007-03-27T23:29:00.000+08:00

taxi queues and being put on hold indefinitely by cab-booking operators never fail to bring out the worst in me.

last week at chinatown, i braved the drizzle and tried to get a cab from the roadside. this old ah beng and his female companion came out of nowhere and stood infront of me and flag "MY' cab. I went ballistic and screamed at him from about 2 metres away. All the other ah cheks and ah sohs turned around and that old beng (in bright orange hawaiian shirt) replied in perfect english, but nonetheless, blithe tone that he was not aware i was waiting for a cab - thought i was waiting for boyfren to pick me up.

Yeah right. i said. i angrily stomped into the cab and was trying to control myself from commenting on his bad dress sense.

But something he did after that threw me off guard. He actually helped me close my taxi door gently after i got in.

i felt like a total female jerk (bi...a..tch) - ungracious, ugly and oh so singaporean.

i realise today that catching a cab fom raffles place area at 10pm is like attempting to put a cork in your asshole to stop yourself from releasing bad gas after eating an entire plate of fried onions from Outback Steakhouse. a bunch of stoopid men in smart business suits saw me waiting along amoy street for a cab and purposely walked just 1 street ahead to flag a cab down. I was so peeved! what happened to chivalry??? i tried to take quick nimble steps to try to overtake those old men but i was constricted by my sexy tight pencil skirt.

to top it off, my shoe strap snapped at that precise moment. grrrrr....

anyway, on a more positive note, i got to meet someone today and she made me realise i should not give up or stop chasing my dreams. it's bizarre how 2 total stangers can just connect and start having a no-holds bar conversation over coffee. I've had brief moments of self-doubt now and then about what i am capable of achieving and what i want to do with my life. really needed that little god-sent nudge and reminder that i dun have to be afraid of anything. that's the thing wif pple borned in the 70s... we count our opportunity costs and get crippled easily by potential setbacks. youngsters nowadays are so much more gungho in trying new stuff, setting up their own businesses etc...

i just need to continue to follow my heart and let God guide me to my 'there', wherever it may be.

my first wearable artpiece!

2007-03-25T09:42:00.000+08:00

bought an electrical sewing machine yesterday. I couldn't help it - creative juices kept flowing and i figured out how to make a tapered skirt by myself.
final product not too bad, though i still have to improve my sewing skills.
alan is scared i'll turn the house into an 'aunty' place with sewing machine and cloth all over the house.

flower power!

2007-03-20T21:12:00.000+08:00

Called my mummy (in-law) to wish her happy birthday today and thank God she is cheerful! She realised we didn't mean anything bad when she read the warning label on the candle we gave her that it was not meant to be burned.
Anyway, did service recovery by arranging a delivery for a big bouquet of flowers to her home.
She was so delighted!
There is nothing like a beautiful bunch of flowers to brighten up anyone's day.

3rd sewing lesson and I've completed my first skirt. Yippeeee!
Looks like a big lampshade though...

outlawed

2007-03-19T19:53:00.000+08:00

alan and i are in deep shit. waist-deep shit.
bought a beautifully hand-crafted candle made in the shape of a lovely swan and alan passed it to his mum last week for her birthday which falls tomorrow.
she opened it up over the weekend and burst into tears.
apparently, she told us over msn that candles are bad omen for elderly people.
honestly, we were totally clueless. the candles look more ornamental than real candles anyway.
sigh... i suspect she'll never ever bake me her yummy cookies or fruitcake anymore.

Domestic goddess

2007-03-14T10:49:00.000+08:00

Started my first sewing lesson yesterday - spent 2 hrs drawing skirt patterns.
My main problem is doing measurements. I can't seem to count or calculate properly!!

I chuckled when I first stepped into the dressmaking school because it was called Paolien Domestic Science Institution.

Now I realise there is alot more science to the fine art of tailoring.

presents!

2007-03-11T10:34:00.000+08:00

how do u top a trip to Tokyo for a sumo-wrestling match as a birthday gift?
marilyn told me she got that for dirk.

wah lau, spoil market.

little ladies and little gentlemen

2007-03-10T15:14:00.000+08:00

I gave my first lesson on social graces to 9 kids today.

Must say, kids are the best audience any public speaker can have.

First of all, they never fail to tell u the truth, or at least, tell you things in the plainest way rather than attempt to come up with some PR crap.

In a roomful of new faces, they warm up and make friends so easily.

There is never a dull moment when you re surrounded by kids. I remember sitting in for one trainer's class and she was going to play the game musical statues where the kids are suppose to freeze when the music stops -

a few kids, in the most sombre and serious manner, asked if they are allowed to breathe.

something good is brewing...

2007-03-07T17:31:00.000+08:00

I'm so happy today.

I went to the gym and my new friend - aunty ethel, gave me a bottle of home-made achar. Nothing spectacular actually, 'cept i've only met her twice at our usual aerobic sessions and she told me I am a very sweet girl. I'm not into achar, but i will definitely treasure it. It comes in a very nice air tight bottle as well.

How often do u receive surprizes from people you don't really know without having to wonder if they have some hidden agenda or favors to ask from you? Stef said she got something for me as well and I can't wait for it to arrive in the mail too!

Signed up for sewing lessons this afternoon and starting classes next week. Long road to becoming the next big thing in the fashion industry, but hey, we've got to start somewhere right?

Does anyone have an old sewing machine they are keen to give away?

not-so-virgin blog

2007-03-06T20:54:00.000+08:00

this is my first time out in the open cyberspace, spilling random thots for random people to see.

alright, it's not really the first time per say, coz i've been penning blogs on friendster, which actively/forcefully reminds friends and the random people on my friendster account (just so it seems like i have a long list of buddies i can potentially borrow money from when the need arises).

time to start ranting!

italia!

2007-03-04T08:55:00.000+08:00

From the country that gave the world the lamborghini, ferrari and maserrati, we came across a ridiculous looking phlegm-green fiat during our 2-week trip to italy.
That pretty much summed up my take on this boot-shaped nation.
Italy is like a first-world european old guard with a long and colorful history. It had its fair share of wars, colonial conquests; a mecca for those in spiritual pursuit and a worn-out backdrop for countless romantic tragedies. It is also the fashion capital of the world, winner of the world cup (altho' some may argue if they deserved it), inventor of state-of-the-art toys on wheels and propagator of good-carbs.
Today, the only battles they still fight are in the football arena, and of course, their people, just like the romans, still hold the infamous reputation of being haughty and amorous.
For all its quirks and shorcomings, italy is still one of the most special places in the world.

First stop - Venice: Magical floating/sinking city
My guidebook writes that Venezia is a romantic tourist city frozen in time. For us, we seemed to have travelled back to the medievel age where the romans still reign supreme.
Venice has never been more packed with tourists and italians from other cities for the annual Carnevale. Alot of people came dressed in costumes, wigs and masks to attend the massive masquerade. Amidst all the victorian costumes, and the likes of medievel characters, we saw interesting ones like a pack of smurfs, a ghostbuster, 2 gayboys in their fishnets and leather microminis (they must have stumbled into the wrong parade), and a few mad cows let loose from Barnyard with rubber gloves made to look like udders.
Next time I'll come as a chinese opera singer with full-on face paint and an entourage of cymbal-clanging and erhu-playing musicians.
Second stop - Verona: Where the legend of Romeo and Juliet beganIt was a good thing to get away from the crowds, the noise and partying in Venice and step into a quiet and alluring city like Verona. From the watery network of vaporettos and gondolas to uneven pebbled-paths that surprise you at every corner, we took our time to explore the beautiful cathedrals and castles. I opened our hotel windows and in clear view was a huge gothic church The S. Anastacia. We also hired a car and drove to Lake Garda, the largest lake in Italy and enjoyed the tranquil seascape. Pity it was a little too cold and hazy so we couldn't see the alps.

Went to pay tribute to Juliet at her 'house', which has been turned into some sort of touristy shrine complete with musuem,
statue of Juliet and souvenir shop selling all things possible depicting the young romantic pair. The place was nothing spectacular 'cept for the entrance walkway where the walls are filled with graffitti - cheesy modern love notes inspired by Romeo and Juliet's love.

Third stop - Belzono and the Dolomites: German speaking side of Italy
Took a train from Verona to Belzono for a day trip hoping to catch a glimpse of those magnificent 'snow-capped rockies' called the Dolomites. I manage to practise a little bit of my pathetic german while ordering food. Think I manage to smoke the waiter and he gave me a menu in geman instead of english. Belzono is another surprising find for us. It is a very quaint, yet modern town with chic restaurants and you see a lot more people cladded in armani suits and wearing rayban sunnies.

Fourth stop - Florence: Caricatures of Romans cast in stone2nd time in Firenza for me and the place still neve fails to amaze me. This time Alan and I had more time to study the statues in greater detail and each display was sheer comic relief for us - 2 strong, muscular nude men locked in a wrestle with one of them grabbing the other's balls; another of a greek or roman god crouching below another god sniffing his friend's balls.

Final Stop - Milan: Overrated fashion capital
It was a little depressing seeing almost the entire city covered in graffiti. The only reason why anyone should go to Milan is, apart from the fact that SiA flies there, the awesome Duomo cathedral - the heartbeat and very symbol of Milan. It was the best cathedral I have seem in a long time. I think the only other cathedral that could rival it is the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona.
Will defintely need to check out the southern parts of Italy, especially the beaches and vineyards. I've never had so much pasta and wine in my entire life. It was great escaping the CNY festivites into such a surreal magical world.

But I still won't support Italy in the next world cup.
http://picasaweb.google.com.au/amigoamy/Italy1628Feb07